What does it mean to become the best version of yourself?
During a virtual math summer camp last year, I was asked a question by a professor named Nina from University of Michigan. She asked me directly if I enjoyed math, and I responded that math by far is my favorite subject.
Why?
Because math is black and white. You either get the answer to a problem correct or not. Math has a structure; math uses logic and formulas; math is not ambiguous; and math is not open-ended. And to this very day, I still love math for these reasons and I still believe it is my strongest subject.
Now, I am not too intrigued in English courses because literature is the opposite of math— it is too open-ended and I despise the ambiguity of it.
But that is what life is, isn't it? AP Literature taught me that literature, to an extent, is life. They're both ambiguous and open-ended. Life cannot be predicted and there is no set structure to it. Life is always changing. Just because yesterday was a good day doesn't mean today will be better, or the same. Just because I got a good score last time doesn't mean I will perform the same this time. Just because I used to like pineapple pizza back in third grade doesn't mean I still like it now.
Pineapple pizza is absolutely disgusting by the way.
Whether you agree with me or not on that statement or not, my point still remains— life around all of us is continuously changing and will never stop to change. And that is my first point I wanted to bring in this blog.
Uncertainty
I think uncertainty is the first real learning point for me in high school, especially during the pandemic. I entered high school with exact set of plans of what I wanted to do, and embarrassingly, it looks something like this:
- perfect GPA
- 1550+ SAT score
- 10+ AP Classes and get all 5's (must take AP Chem, Physics, and Biology)
- A lot of activities with more than three leadership positions
- varsity sport
- get into ivy, get a lot of money, become rich, win life
Ok this is a bit extreme, but it did look something close to this (your's prob did too, don't lie). And now I'm working at a minimum wage job, earning terrible test scores, and currently going through a midlife crisis.
The last thing I expected to happen was a stupid pandemic to hit and force all of us to live in a virtual world for almost two years. I think every little expectations I had for myself became completely destroyed, but the past two years have been a real eye opener. It showed me how unpredictable life could become at any moment.
Differences
Continuing on with this theme of "change," everyone grows and starts to develop their own opinions and perspectives. I think a startling learning experience for me was to notice the vast differences in views that people have of life.
Obviously, the whole pineapple pizza debate is a light-hearted example of differences in opinion (hopefully), but the truth that I see is that our entire world is entirely divided. Outside of our own nation, countries are at a continuous war over differences in ideologies and religious beliefs. Does capitalism prevail over communism? Is there more than one God? Is terrorism ever justified?
How obvious the answer to these questions seem to you, there will be someone that will disagree with you. And how do you prove that you're right and they're wrong? Who decides what is considered evil and what is considered good?
In Troy High, we are all divided and have our own opinions on several political topics, including abortion, gun violence, gender issues, and more. Not everyone forms the same opinion, because there is no correct answer; politics is not math, there is no universal correct answer.
Narcissism
There is differences in opinions, but there are also differences in identity. At the heart of many societal imperfections lies hatred among nationalities, religions, and backgrounds.
I believe that narcissism is root of racism, sexism, homophobia, and much more. Everyone, including me of course, are inclined to believe that their nationality and religion (if they have one) are superior than others of course, because we all are biased due to our backgrounds and who we associate ourselves with. Over the course of high school, I definitely have been humbled by some peers around me, but still I hold myself higher than certain individuals.
This mindset is wrong.
There's a quote that sticks with me, and I found this quote from Prince EA when I was doing my mentor poet project. The quote reads:
"Energy is what we are, an energy has no color
It is not Republic or Democrat, white or black. Energy is not Christian, Muslim, or Atheist"
For some reason, this quote is engraved in my head because it is true. Past our skin color, and religion, and whatever constitutes our differences, is energy. Energy is inherit within all of us, and it is what we all have in common. At the end of the day, we are all human beings and we all deserve to be equally treated. No one is higher than another, and no one should looked down upon.
^ I know that is a bit cheesy of me to say and I can guarantee I am not perfect at all, and I definitely do not treat everyone fairly. I will continue to have bits of narcissism within me but I hope that as I grow more and more, I can get rid of the bias within me in order to respect and appreciate the differences in people.
Nature:
I like to go to my local nature center out. It is calming. Nature is constant unlike humans.
There is a particular quote that I really admire by Ralph Waldo Emerson, and it reads "Standing on the bare ground,--my head bathed by the blithe air and uplifted into infinite space,-- all mean egotism vanishes."
I think quote holds something special to me; there is a lot of "mean egotism," or toxicity, in our society. It is prevalent in work places, school, and even between friendships.
Life is uncertain and the whole world is divided. Nature reminds me how the world should be.
Patience:
It would be hilarious if I called myself patient.
I am definitely not patient lmfao. Especially with annoying people.
But patience has been demonstrated to me in many ways this year. My supervisor has demonstrated patience by taking in verbal harassments from a badminton player and taking blame for it (when he literally did nothing wrong). My coworker demonstrated patience by apologizing to a customer when the customer chucked a drink at her.
My father has demonstrated patience by resolving a long conflict between me and him when I yelled at him and ignored him for weeks.
In all of the cases, all three people subject to anger (my supervisor, my coworker, and my father) had no reason to be patient. They could have fought back, but they were selfless and rather understanding of the other person's situation.
I wish life was black and white, but I learned that it's not, and it will never be.
But I can still try to be the best version of myself. If I can't be perfect, I hope that I can at least build my character and become selfless and understanding of others by practicing patience.
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