Complex Relationships

The whole discussion of marriage and complex relationships have been bothering me a lot this whole week.

While reading Their Eyes Were Watching God by Zora Hurston, I had a very one-sided view of the toxic relationship between Jody and Janie.  Without a doubt, Jody is very controlling, always restricting Janie's freedom by not allowing her to attend public events or sit outside with other townsmen. She is not even allowed to reveal her own hair! Why? Because Jody is jealous that other guys will see the "beauty" of it. 

But after a somewhat thoughtful book club discussion on Wednesday, I've become aware of a different perspective. Perhaps the fault of their weak relationship is at Janie's hand instead. Janie is the one who never opened up her feelings to Jody, and she is the one who takes advantage of his illness and brutally insult him for his mistreatments. In fact, Jody never intended to dominate Janie's life. 

Ok, unlucky I guess. Poor Jody to hear such aggressive, offensive words come out of his wife before he died, and poor Janie for marrying such a douchebag.

But what if I will be in the same situation as Jody one day? What if there are conflicts in my relationship in the future? What will I do then? 

The article, Why You Will Marry The Wrong Person by Alain de Botton, addresses a lot of my concerns. There are two sentences I really wanted to share in this blog.

Sentence 1:

I believe that this sentence is the first step to a solid relationship— acknowledging that no one is perfect, including myself and yourself. We shouldn't be searching for that "perfect person" because there isn't one. Similarly, we shouldn't be impulsively ending our relationships with one another simply because we get upset or annoyed over one small thing.

And here is sentence 2:

I like, and can relate to, this sentence a lot. Between me and Ethan Feng (sorry to mention u bro), we have many different interests, political views, and personalities, but we are still very close. We can resolve our arguments without making a big fuss (although he still does at times). I strongly believe that both of our ability to "negotiate the differences in taste intelligently" is key to our friendship.

Unfortunately yes, there is probably no one out there that suits perfectly with me. And yes, I might be in a relationship that might not work out in the end. But, I can always work on being more open-minded, hopefully acquiring the ability to "negotiate differences in taste intelligent" with anyone I meet. This is perhaps the only way to achieving a "perfect relationship" without it actually being perfect.